Category Archives: Weed Jokes

More Stoner Humor

Question: Why did the stoner cross the street?
Answer: His dealer lived on the other side


Question: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip?
Answer: Because pot holder was taken


Did you hear about the stoners that locked their keys in the car ? It took them two hours to get out.


A stoner was relaxing next to a cactus with his horse standing next to him. Along came a stranger and asked, “What time is it?” The stoner looked at the horse, lifted up his balls and said, “It’s 4:20.” The stranger said, “You’re sure it’s 4:20?” The stoner lifted up his horse’s balls again and said, “Yup, its 4:20!” The guy says, “How the hell can you tell time by lifting up the horse’s balls?” The stoner lifts up the horses balls and says, “You see that clock over there?”

Stoner Humor: Got Any Weed?


Some stoned dude walks into the 7-11. He goes up to the man behind the counter and says, “Got any weed?” The clerk says, “No!” So the stoner leaves. The stoner comes back the next day and asks the guy behind the counter, “Hey, you got any weed?” The man says, “No, I told you yesterday, we don’t sell weed here.” So the Stoner leaves again. The stoner walks in the next day and says, “Got any weed?” The clerk behind the counter says, “Look you fuckin’ burnout, we don’t sell weed here. If you come in here again, I’m goin to nail your fuckin’ teeth to the floor!!!” So the stoner leaves. He comes in the next day. “You got any nails?” “No”, the clerk replies. The stoner looks him in the eye and says, “You got any weed?”

A stoner finds a poor person on the street and helps him up. The poor person says, “Son, I’m a genie. And since you helped me I’ll give you three wishes.” The stoner says, “I want a six-inch joint!” The genie says, “Okay!” POOF! They stuff a six-inch joint and smoke it between the two of them. “What’s the second wish?” asks the genie. “I want a twelve-inch joint,” says the stoner. “Okay,” says the genie. POOF! And they stuff it and smoke it between the two of them. “And the third wish?” “I want a twenty-inch joint!!” POOOF!! So, they stuff it and smoke it between the two of them. Finally, the genie gets up and says, “Okay, it’s time for me to go.” The genie takes a couple of steps, pauses, turns around and says, “Okay, just one more wish.”

A stoner and a super genius are sitting on a bench waiting on a bus. The genius gets bored, leans over to the stoner and says, “Hey I’ll tell you what, I’ll ask you a question and if you don’t know the answer you have to give me five bucks. If you ask me a question and I don’t know the answer I have to give you fifty bucks.” The stoner says, “Alright, Man.” The genius asks the stoner, “What is the Pythagorian Theorem?” The stoner replies, “I don’t know,” and hands the genius five bucks. “Okay,” the stoner says, “What has three legs going up a hill and four legs going down?” The genius thinks real hard and finally gives up. he hands the stoner fifty bucks and then asks, “So, what is the answer?” The stoner says, “I don’t know,” and hands the genius five bucks.

Weed Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?

A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

Q: How do fish party ?

A: Seaweed.

Q: Why did the pot head plant cheerios?

A: He thought they were donut seeds.

Q: What is Reality?

A: An illusion caused by a lack of good weed.